I was asked the other day how I had found the courage to start taking imperfect action, to take giant leaps of faith, and to truly lean into my zone of genius.
Before I get into how I got to this stage in my life, I think it’s important to share some background – partly because it will help you understand why it took me until the age of 50 to gain that courage, and partly because I think my story will resonate with you. I hear similar experiences all the time from the clients I work with.
I want to inspire you to live the life you truly desire. And with that comes a deep desire to do things differently – to take bold, imperfect action, to embrace trial and error, and even to face the occasional failure. It might also mean upsetting a few people along the way as you fully embrace your own unique, wonderful life.
And this stuff isn’t particularly comfortable for those of us who have learned over the years to keep our opinions to ourselves, to avoid conflict, to hide our true selves for fear of judgment or rejection, and to only do things that we are 100% happy and confident about.
The Root of My Perfectionism and People-Pleasing Tendencies
I am a self-proclaimed recovering people-pleaser and perfectionist. I used to avoid conflict at all costs, and I wouldn’t put anything out into the world if I didn’t consider it to be my absolute best.
My social media posts and emails weren’t as hard-hitting as they could have been because I didn’t want to offend anyone. I held back from saying what I REALLY meant because I wanted people to like me. And if I spotted a typo on a social media post, I would have to go back in and edit it!
So, where did this all come from? Why was I so afraid to speak up for myself – to really share what I wanted to say? And why was I so set on making sure every piece of work I put out into the world was perfect?
There are two main elements to this, and they both relate to my upbringing.
The Perfectionist Piece
I was a bright and intelligent little girl, and I vividly remember being called into the headmistress’s office (with my mum) at about age five to read aloud to them both. My ability to read well at such a young age was being applauded. I felt really proud. But it also set in motion a need to prove myself in order to gain approval from the people I was closest to.
Throughout school and university, I was repeatedly praised for my achievements—not for the effort I put in or the resilience I demonstrated in order to gain those results. The message I received was that results were the ultimate goal for those I loved, and therefore, they became the ultimate goal for me too.
I don’t say this to blame my parents – they knew no different. They thought they were doing the right thing by congratulating me on how well I had done. But internally, the message I received was: Do well, and I will love you.
It’s no wonder I wanted to put only perfect work out into the world. I didn’t want to let myself or anyone else down by taking imperfect action. I worried that it could lead to failure, and then what would people think?
The Fear of Speaking Up
As a bright, intelligent girl, I had opinions and thoughts on various matters. Some of these were in direct opposition to my dad’s. As a teenager, I was pretty forthright and would share those opposing thoughts at the dinner table.
As you might imagine, this created heated debates, which I was okay with. But on many occasions, it went further than that – my dad would slam down his cutlery, shout “bloody women,” and storm out of the house.
I now understand why he behaved like this, and I forgive him. He had his own inner dialogue, subconscious stories, and childhood trauma to contend with. But his actions taught me to keep quiet. Over the years, I learned to stop speaking up in order to keep the peace.
The Shift: How I Embraced Imperfect Action
So, how did I move from a people-pleasing perfectionist to someone who now feels confident enough to launch a podcast, speak on stage, and put content out there that might upset a few people?
A huge amount of journaling, therapy, and self-discovery, combined with a large dose of spiritual guidance, helped me to understand my limiting beliefs – where they came from and why they had such an impact on my life. With that awareness, I was able to reframe those beliefs so that I could speak up, I could put things out into the world even before they were perfect, and I could take bold action.
But there were other things too – like addressing my relationship with alcohol (more on this in this blog post). This had nothing to do with people-pleasing or perfectionism, but everything to do with proving to myself that I could change old stories and old patterns. It gave me evidence that when I try something, I can make HUGE shifts in my life.
Another pivotal moment was auditioning for a role in a musical that required me to sing solo on stage for the first time since I was about 10. I nearly didn’t go to that audition – I was so scared of embarrassing myself, and imposter syndrome was kicking my butt. Thankfully, someone close to me (thanks, Millie) persuaded me to go, reminding me that I would probably regret not going if I later watched the musical and saw someone else in that role.
I went to that audition – it wasn’t nearly as daunting as I had imagined – and I got the part! More proof that when I step into discomfort and take imperfect, courageous action, good things happen.
Final Thoughts
Every time I do something that feels uncomfortable but important, I am reminded of how much I am truly capable of (and it’s so much more than I ever gave myself credit for). That’s where my inner confidence now comes from. I have proven to myself that fear is just a feeling – it is not reality. Sometimes, you have to step into that fear to reach what’s on the other side.
That’s why, when I realised that my calling was to use my voice to spread my message and launch a podcast, it all happened very quickly. I knew with all my heart that this was what I should have always been doing. And I also knew why it hadn’t happened sooner – I needed to prove to myself that it was possible. That big leaps of faith can and do lead to amazing things.
As ever, I would love to hear from you if any of this has resonated with you – you’ll find my contact details at the bottom of this blog.
If this blog has resonated with you, you might also what to read these ones:
- Why I Have Ditched the Word Resolution (And Why You Should Too)
- Rewrite Your Narrative: The Power of Choosing a New Story
- The One Question That Will Change Everything
- Why sitting at your desk every day isn’t cutting it
And if you prefer to listen to this in audio form, you can find my podcast on this exact topic on Spotify here and on Apple Podcasts here.